i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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