My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
