you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
