Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
