Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
