did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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