twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
