You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
