I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
