I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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