Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
