Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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