Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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