Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
