i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
