He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
