He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
