In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
