Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize