i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
