Just fell off a train. Bad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
