he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
only you would photoshop your dick
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
