She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
