whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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