I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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