please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
