i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
