there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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