I wish you could order shots online.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
