True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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