I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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