MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
