so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everyone says I win the strip club
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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