I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk is a universal language darling
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
