This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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