Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you had me at cake vodka
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
