somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
