youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
