I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
