I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
