went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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