Screwed.edu
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
