it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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