I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
