What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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