Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
