You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.