I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
