i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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