oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
