Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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