Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
