I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize