So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
