My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
