Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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