I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
