If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
