Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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