I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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