Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
barbara walters just said penis...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.