Porn is love you can see.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
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my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him