I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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