No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
