He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
